these thoughts of the past will always haunt me,
a moment in history where I will never want replayed.
the dark days my family suffered,
in the hands of my very own creator.
the guy I have to relate to as my dad.
he destroyed my life, my mum's and my siblings'.
the same monster that made me believe that I had no home.
since young, i have vowed and promised my mum that I will never be like him.
a drunkard by nature's design, a gambler by default.
spare your anger if i played through cold heart's motive.
it was implanted in me since the day i was born.
the only human thing left of me is my desire to please my mum.
i know i failed so many times, i know i caused most of your worries.
we're all struggling to meet month's end.
you always try your best to ensure there is enough to feed us all.
only problem is that I will always land myself in trouble and leech those hard earned effort.
the fault it only mine to blame. i'm sorry.
i wish i can find a job.
i wish that i can change my life.
i know that this is not the path for me,
i am not a wicked man.
i just wish that i could help.
it was deep, it was meaningful.
honestly i have never felt so much better in my entire life.
it's a puzzle how things can always screw you up real good and yet you feel way better despite the facts.
life's complicating
lets all agree on that shall we?
started out with a 100bucks fine and ended the day with an additional of 120bucks fine.
all thanks to the traffic police officer that was seemingly following me all the way from home to the expressway.
guess he has an issue with young guys on bikes.
so yeah, was being questioned on how long i have been riding and yes i have to admit that it was wrong for me to not put up my probation plate.
so i'll have no complaints or arguments about being slapped a 120 fine.
guess it's a pretty much fucked up affair with the authorities but i will love to just learn from my mistakes this time round.
I, Muhammad Asrizal Bin Anuar, will never ever be complacent again and abide by the rules and laws of Singapore as much as I can. Cause if i fail to do so, the authorities will just leech on the precious money i have. Overall i should stop donating my efforts to the people that i don't really favor.
so yeah, gotta put up my probation plate as soon as i can so as to avoid more problems for myself.
tomorrow is my last day of school for the current semester.
HOORAY FOR THAT!!!!
means i have so much time left to find and get a real job before school knocks in again in a couple of months.
gosh i really need a job damn it. if not who is going to feed my bike and repair my damages. both tangible and intangible ones.
to everyone who did not return my calls when i urgently need em,
i'm sorry if i ever offended you in such a way you despised me now but then again i don't think i'm the problematic one.
we must repent ourselves and find what are our flaws and correct them if possible.
in the end we all live our lifes for ourselves and for no one else.
being apologetic is one thing, changing ourselves for the good or better is another thing in hand altogether.
the latter being the preferred one in this case.
i just wish everyone well.
i just wish that everything will run smoothly again.
i just wish that people will be less heartless and start using their minds to think about matters in life.
i just wish everyone can prioritize their life and hope to seek peace in whatever their intentions are.
i just wish we are all going to stand united as one and fight the problems we face with no thoughts of regrets.
we are all not perfect my friends,
in life we rise and we fall.
the only true thing that remains are our hearts and our passion to progress.
that is what i see ideal.
its the fasting month and i swear i am not in any state to rejoice such month.
first of all, i have yet to settle the 100 bucks fine that slapped me a couple of weeks back. It gets much more complicated when I know that no one can truly help me with such matters. Hence, i derived to this conclusion that i need much more rich friends. So that they can help me when i am in a financial problem.
secondly, i have been down with fever and body aches recently. now this is just showing how unhealthy i have become over the last couple of weeks. Usually i am the sort of guy who will just brush away any disease or illness and continue my everyday norm routine. However right now, I am so sick that i can't even bother waking up and look out my window. Why the hell are such diseases around so much these couple of days? Damn they should find some remedy to treat such normal problems. It could lead to death you know.
Lastly, WHY WON'T ONLINE STORES FROM ABROAD SENT THEIR SHIPMENTS TO SINGAPORE?
it's really bugging me lately. We definitely do not have much variety of stuffs to shop locally and so we resort to online shopping but then again we are restricted by the shops available to our country. This is totally unfair. How are we going to be much more unique when it comes to fashion if we are only exposed to just a lil variety of clothes.
we are all controlled like some caged animals right here.
can someone help me get LLT apparels? i swear i want one!!!!
Life Long Tragedy - Make or Break ItHas your heart ever skipped a beat?
Have you ever had to face hardships?
Did you ever have to overcome your fears and make sacrifices?
Who we are and what we want to be,
is nothing without the heart to see,
that where we're going is our own destiny,
not another's life that was chosen for me.
We keep on fighting to save ourselves,
but we keep forgetting everyone else.
I've seen the view from the bottom.
There was a time when I let myself sink.
Dying to be saved by someone,
instead of living to the best of my ability.
This world is what you make it.
This life is what you make it.
The choice is up to you,
whether you love or hate it.
This world is what you make it.
This life is what you make it.
The choice is up to you,
whether you make or break it.
I'll live my life for me.
And we're still fighting,
slowly gaining ground.
Choosing our own battles by making our own sound.
THANKS EVERYONE!!!
For making the show an effing great one.
I will definitely remember this as one of the finest gig i have ever step into.
It was meant to be a small show but the turnout was great.
The bands that played were really awesome.
ALL OF THEM ARE TIGHT!!!
REVERSED were superb for a new band. They covered one of the best tracks out there. Surely a band with much brightness in their future. WE HOPE TO SEE MORE OF YOU GUYS!!!!
Reckless Landing were tight. They are and will always be THE Reckless Landing. Great stuff guys.
STRAIGHT FORWARD WILL ALWAYS BE THE GREAT STRAIGHT FORWARD...surely i will want to share a stage with them again. no. not a stage but MANY stages. (: thanks guys. you are truly familia!!! heh.
DRIVEN, the guest band from JB, is still going to be the most tightest band out there in SEA. They are improving every single moment on stage. How great is that. To have them as guest band for today was really a great deal and it really paid off. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! MORE COVERS FROM FINAL FIGHT PLEASE BROTHERS!!!!
COMRADE the most breath taking band today. Honestly i wish we are at their level. THEY DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER IN THE SCENE. THEY SHOULD BE PLAYING FOR TERROR PLEASE!!! hahahaha. okay i am nuts! THEIR NEW TRACKS ARE REALLY WORTH THE WAIT AND ITS REALLY SOMETHING NICE TO THE EARS! GOD BLESS THEM!
lastly, i will like to shout out a big thanks to the crowd..
they are the best today. honestly, i didn't expect to have such turnout since we kinda posted fliers and posters a tad too late. HOWEVER they are still there to support the bands and the gig itself. It was really a happy moment for me as this is my first time ever doing such stuffs. I wanna cling on to this crowd for as long as i can. They are the most hyped up bunch of people that anyone can ever get.i love you guys!
Honestly i am feeling accomplished. Everyone had fun.
well lets stop for a short while and rest shall we band?
we will resume with a new project soon after 2 weeks of break.
need to seriously tighten up our current badge of songs and of course we have a 7 inch album set in mind. lets work on it guys!!! I LOVE STEPASIDE. AMIN.
How many of us Singaporeans are actually enjoying their life here?
To be honest, i am speaking up on behalf of almost all the friends i have.
We are not happy with life here.
I am not going to pin point whoever is at fault and hence a holism approach was preferred.
We are all chained to commitments.
chained to our 9 to 5 jobs, our schools and our parents.
while some of us are blessed with parents who have already gotten over the stage of having a controlled mindset, most of us are left with parents who stay strong to their traditional beliefs and imposed rules on their children to be the people they want them to be.
and judging by today's context, most of our parents just want us to be working with high payroll. ensuring that we have great education.
that is where the standards are set and its really taking a toll on us youths who feel that life is not just about money. where is that freedom of speech, that desire to do arts? its simple that most of the kids now a days are being forced into their career path. so for those parents, please spare a thought for these individuals. don't let them be controlled just because you are. time has evolved. the need for artists and musicians is well needed for the growth of the nation.
and right now, it is pretty obvious that the standard of living here is really stressful. yes we have a lot of convenience here in our country but don't you guys think that its about the same thing at almost everywhere in town? like whats the point of having a clone war attack of shops and interest stores? clearly the variety we offer is not something to boast about. and speaking of that, i feel that the heritage parts of Singapore are being tarnished with the new upgrading works. making more rooms for more business-related buildings and identical malls. now it is difficult to find areas where it is still old-school. even though we are upgrading ourselves and our looks, we should never drop the consideration of our heritage. I mean that is what we used to be, what that makes the nation unique to begin with in the first place.
talking about freedom. where is it? we are all being controlled. our sport talents are replaced by foreigners. a nigga in our national team for soccer. now what can we say of that? and these foreigners are paid a ton just to migrate and serve this country that they were not born in. The loyalty is definitely not there. honestly, if this goes on, our local talents will continue to be overlooked as it is right now.and there is no freedom of growth for our locals. thats a big problem people. do we want singaporeans to die out and be extinct?
talk about money. everyday we are being leeched and for what price really?
i have a bike and i feel like i have to pay for almost everywhere i ride to. not mentioning the erp rates and the redundant need for payable parking. oh yeah that leads me to the tax imposed. we are paying more just because we have to pay the government. yes it is good to always be thinking of profits for the nation but if human rights are being disregard, we will better be of dead right? i mean whats the idea of being rich yet lead a stressful life? a life technically controlled by the country. this is not right. simply not right.
to be continued...
i actually thought of deleting this blog.
but then again i felt the need to write again.
so here it is.
still the same old blog before.
i will not write about what i used to write.
now i will put some more fun in it.
make things much more pleasant to read.
rest assured.
the old me is long gone.
hello new asrizal.
your friends are going to love you.
i am asrizal and i am the best at what i do. (:
lets just say i have some egoistical issues shall we?
bruised chin, swollen left ankle, weak left kneecap, painful left hand, fever approaching.
bike's a mess, front of it dangling, left side of the handle bar seemly smashed, seat is pretty much spoiled.
with so much in hand,
how am i able to face this problem alone?
adding on to the list of casualties i owned.
this if fucked up.
i'm fucked up.
nevertheless you made my day earlier.
wish you knew.
today was really spectacular.
i love you guys for giving me that chance.
to show something.
to prove something.
the worth waiting for such days to happen really enlightened me today.
we did things that people never expected us to do.
to perform for such hyped up crowd is a dream worth achieving.
to stand side by side with true friends and realizing that dream is being accomplished is another miracle altogether.
i really admire this bond we share.
hold on guys, we have much more coming our way this time round.
to dear whoever,
i miss those times we shared.
those late nights we spent.
doing stuffs that never made any sense.
it was something that i never thought i will enjoy doing it other than with you.
how i wish things will never be this hard.
to avoid and ignore each other.
i regret things but i will never apologize for them.
knowing that i always wanted you to be happy.
bearing in mind i will try my best to get the best for you.
if that means shutting myself up, making myself hypnotize by this very old lie, a lie where i will ignore the facts that i really care for you,
to actually suffer all alone knowing that's best for you.
i will do it for sure and push every effort in me to make that happen for you.
never ever asking anything in return.
i'll play by my own rules in my very own self tormented game.
i will always be there even when you need me to or you don't.
so rest assured, smile.... i just want you to be happy alright?
i know i will never be good enough for you.
