do it with style or don't bother doing it.

3 years long.
i felt kinda alone and hopeless.
no one to share my heart with.
no one to please and joy for.
rumors go talking about me playing with fire and starting sparks.
lies that deceived the people around me.
listen to what i have to say.
please believe the words i speak.

i am not the guy you guys believe i am.
trying to fit in the frame everytime just to ensure you guys are satisfied.
its getting boring and its getting out of hand.
i don't date every single girl i contact with.
do you guys even believe in friendship with the opposite sex?
limits were set and i was blind to break them apart.
now what do you guys want?

all i want is that sweet lady who can listen to me and talk to.
that same lady who can cheer me up when i am down.
who will love me for who i am and not what i possess.
the one i can wake up to and just see her smiling beside.
its simple as it is.

now where do i find her?

I have been thinking about the things in life that i have been aiming for.
never once have i thought about which are the wants and which are importantly the needs.
in life there is no doubt that we have to choose the needs before the wants.
cause most of the wants are materialistic dreams which can be achieved once the needs are settled.

so here it goes,the needs and wants:

NEEDS
1)BETTER GRADES
2)CE POINTS CLEARED (in case you guys are wondering,CE points are compulsory in RP)
3)SAVINGS
4)PRAYERS?
5)DEFINITE COMMITMENTS
6)CAREER PATH TO FOLLOW

WANTS
1)MAJOR REDO FOR BIKE
- EXHAUST PIPE
- HANDLE BAR
- SPRING CLUTCH
- SIDE MIRROR
- DECAL
- SEAT
- CHAIN
- MUD GUARD
- TYRES AND RIMS IF APPLICABLE
2)HELMET
3)MORE TSHIRTS
4)MORE JEANS
5)BERMUDAS
6)SHOES
7)IBANEZ RG321MH-WK
8)MARSHALL AMPLIFIER
9)BOSS ME-20 GUITAR MULTIPLE EFFECTS
10)PS3/XBOX360
11)WIRELESS ADAPTER (STARHUB)

Basically that is about it for now.
I know that my wants are like super duper expensive to clear but it all results to me having a better lifestyle.Something that I will clear eventually once i am done with my needs.I will greatly appreciate if there are kind people reading this blog and goes "hey! i have most of his wants items and i don't need em now." :))))

i have something to say regarding the last post that i have wrote down earlier.
CONTRADICTIONS.
Admit that i contradict my own blog with my actions.
maybe why i was feeling like that was because i am angry with my friends and the people around us.
maybe its because of the white lies i created and the stories being manipulated behind my back.
but i will like to just forgive myself for this.
i will like to apologize to the others who were affected.
apologize for all the lies i have said and the stories i've manipulated all these while.
its about time we all face the truth and change for the better.
i am super tired already of this tired cycle.
tired of you people talking about others without looking at yourself in the mirror.
Don't judge others,my friends.
we all just work for a better future and a better self.

this is where the contradictions start.
i am not going to be led astray and just see you guys create the epidemic destruction that is doom to happen.
i am going to stay behind and watch us rise.
lets all be open to each other,tell each others theirs and ours flows.
so we all can help each other out and progress.

thats what i believe in.do you?

I will like to post a shout out to all my friends out there.
It has been a fun time.
Eventful and meaningful moments which we both shared.
Something that I will never ever forget and will always treasure in my very own heart.
But all I can claim right now is that
"sometimes we all fall down,at times we fall"
I have been sitting and thinking for quite a while now.
Been pushing time on when I can officially announce this.
It has been tough on me. With all the goals in mind and the little time we shared.
It was never enough to achieve all of them.
So I just have to throw them away now and focus on the things that matters to me right now.
I appreciate the trust you guys have put upon me.
The lessons we all learn in life.
How magical it is to know that certain experiences can only be attained by mixing with specific groups of people.
Those sleepless nights,those L4D scary moments.
That KL trip,that night watching Have Heart.
Listed above are only the few chosen from the hundreds and thousands of special moments we all share. I am going to miss it,I hope you guys will miss it too.
No regrets.Life moves on.

I have done my part.Tried my very best in it.
Put my heart and soul in our friendship and the kingdom of wonderful moments we did.
Giving each every inch of my spirit with nothing in return.
I was always happy to see you guys around.Always happy to laugh at the jokes and trash talk about stuffs.
But I guess it is also time I break away.
I have had my share and I have never been happier in my entire life.You guys change me,my life and my motives.

I will miss the whole lot of you guys.And lets not forget the girls.
It was a fun filled roller ride.
Guess i fell out from the cabin half way.
I am not going to climb back up like I have always been doing.
Its time I walk away to another joyride.
Its time I stop troubling you guys and stirring up controversies.

The dust have settled.Visions clearer.

I walk away.

Hope to meet you guys on the other side.

thanks to Aidil for introducing me to this shit.Damn awesome i tell ya all.
Reminds me of Double D somehow.The last time i heard to him was like early last year?
That is damn long if you count time but minutes and seconds.LOL.

it has been a mixed up eventful weekends for me anyways.
Went for the last show in Asia for HAVE HEART and god i was sad that they are breaking up.A band so tight,musical arrangements so sweet and lyrics effing meaningful.This will be gone sooner than most of us ever imagined.Its okay though.I will respect their decision and wish them a better future ahead.I was glad that i was able to make it on that day with help from xkudex and friends.
He helped me with the ticket and the others spurred me to go and enjoy myself.Thanks guys!Really appreciate you guys tons.

The HXC celebration was another day i just have to remember.It was nice seeing all the Malaysian kids and Final Attack.One thing to say about Kids On The Move's new songs is "WONDERFUL".A more melodic approach and it was all splendid.This i have to appreciate Joanna for literally dragging me into the gig.I was damn broke that day.I also had no mood earlier cause i did a foolish act.Much more on the selfish side.
All i can say was i was naive and being myself.Which i have to change real soon.
I have been selfish all this while.Been too nice that i forgot the morality behind limits.I am a guy who knows no limits and that has always been bringing me trouble.It is not wrong to be nice,but it is wrong to not know your limits.Maybe it does not apply in the social world.that is all i am claiming.
Learn from my mistake,i must.Learn from all these dark images,i need.

it was one hell of a damn fruitful day.
woke up damn late cause i slept only at 6am yesterday.
realized i was late to meet up Asyraf for his pay collection day.
damn,lots of messages when i woke up and thank god he didn't mind me fetching late.
day 3 without money and i was surviving really well. :D
Asyraf pay was a damn shockingly sad case.
He expected way more.So bro,if you're reading this..don't expect too much when you're working under Malays okay? :P

Met the others at Bugis and had a nice time watching the motocross show at Singapore Flyer.

Right after that,we headed down to ABC Lodge to meet up Final Attack and the "groupies".
still don't get it why they are like so attached to this band from Indonesia. O.o
Had an brief analysis of the band and i feel that they don't talk that much.
Maybe it is because its their first time in Singapore or they are simply shy.OR they speak different from us goddamn malays.
Lets not say they are arrogant.Well i am just saying its a possibility. :)

To those who have been trying to contact me via phone.
I will like to apologize if i can't be reached.My prepaid is low. :(
SOMEONE TOP IT UP FOR ME! :D

had a hell of an eventful day.
not to actually say it was a big day or anything but more to say the day was filled with activities.So yeah was pretty much rushing around like a man on a mission and busy with thoughts and actions.
woke up pretty sore today. (yes i should have slept more and earlier)
rushed to school and was late cause i couldn't remember my class location.
so had to sit at one hidden spot and find it online.
luckily it was not that far from the carpark.
oh well i was pretty quiet in class today.
it was so boring.
the facilitator was making me sleepy and bored like she always do.
forcing me into my own dreamland and world.
Luckily most of my friends were online so i had fun entertaining shits and doing my school work.so lets just conclude class was fine for today.
after class,had to meet up my awesomely cool FYP team.
we discussed pretty much a lot today.
a lot more than what we usually do when we meet.
FINALLY,THE AGENDA OF OUR PROJECT IS FIXED.
next is on how to go about accomplishing what was needed.
i swear this will take a toll on me in the next couple of weeks.so outside school friends,please don't feel disheartened or whatsoever.
I AM DAMN BUSY WITH SCHOOL!
went out with Adi after school,originally planned to sheesha with a girl each but in the end we could not find any. (feeling damn rejected somehow)
so we decided to let Hafiz to join us.
He really made the day fun with his random jokes and reactions.
Bumped into Dilla and her giant friend too there.
GOSH! i may be mean but i know that if a person is big,she is a giant.take not the word "SHE".lolness.i know,i am a S.O.B for life.
After we were done with em pipes,decided to go for some supper in Geylang.
Got ourselves durians and we are still dissatisfied about it.
Alright guys,we should make that more often. :D
Spent the night at Yishun after a meal at Jalan Kayu.
with a lovely pal name Asyraf and a cool dude name Hafiz.
so we had a fun filled night full of laughter.
was so beat up that i eventually sped my way back home today.

Hfz forgot his cap again,this time it was left in my bag.I only realize when i was reaching out for my laptop to blog.I lent him Ipod so its really okay for now.

There is something i don't get.
Why has this hatred evolved?
Why did we get others involved?
We should be man and talk about it.
Its not like we didn't.We did.
I don't care what you think about me now.
You are still my friend.
The fights we had.Those moments we shared.
Why have we let it all to waste.?
Lets push these indifference aside and build a better future for us.
We have created much mayhem.
We got to heal them.
Now i am reaching out my hand and asking for forgiveness.
Asking you to help save this friendship that has been hammered damn hard.

I am sorry for being a part of wounding this friendship.
But I can't be possibly be the one who creates all the trouble.I am sure you had a role in it too.
So on my part, I will forget about the past.
Whatever you and I did to sink each other.
We just forget about it and live our life as friends.

I hope you hear me out.

i am on top of the world right now.
both positive and negative views immense me.
filling up my thoughts and clearing my visions.
the world doesn't seem to be shining any hope on me.
darkness dawns on me in every single way it can possible have.
some viewed me as a liar.
others viewed me as a hypocrite.
a face of countless numbers.
all i ever wanted was you people to feel good.to feel better.
Admit that i lied my ways in order for you people to be dimmed of the light labeled "Shame".
getting the blame for the holy mistakes i've made.
i tried hiding from its judgments for long.
but it has found my spot and already starting to crash me down.
killing my very own purpose of life.

from the top of the world,
i fell,trembling down hard.
not knowing what to do,i tried turning to the people i hope to help me out.
some tried,some succeed but the others ignored my plea for help.
as i reach out my hand to grab at any support along the way.
i cried miserably knowing there was none.
only visions of it due to my positive outlook of life.
they were all illusions.
they were never real.
only hope got me thinking that way.

now i am sorry.
sorry for having to rate out truths and it comes with a deadly prize.
the whole world is questioning me.
i've reached earth's lowest point,so what do i do from here?
the limelight once again burning me deep down.
i hope everyone forgives me if i ever offended you in a way or two.
i pray everyone the best in life.
i wish that i will have a better path to follow from now.
no more turn backs for me.
no more eye-glancing at the destructed path i traveled.

the turmoil has taken its toll.
i have killed almost every inch of hope in me.
through these dark eyes,i will see my past upon.

The sky is dead, the sun has set. I close my eyes and try to forget.
This day that time has overtaken, this day that hope has forsaken.
I'm waiting for the world to burn me down.
Time has changed me and soon time will erase me.
I've realized that I've done so much wrong.
I've got no place to call my home.
Now that change to live has come and gone.
People screaming all along the streets, knowing that their world lays in defeat.
Lies in defeat.
Time has changed me and soon time will erase me.
I've realized that I've done so much wrong.
I've got no place to call my home.
Farewell to who I am, farewell to who I used to be.
Promises of better days have come and gone.
Farewell to the man you see.
I pray that there's no eternity for me.
Forgive me destiny, this world has fucking destroyed me.
Forgive me destiny, this world has ruined the plans you have for me.
Life has polluted me. Forgive me, forgive me.

i miss the times i had on the board.
the old times spent so well.
feeling up every veins with adrenaline rush.
the joy of landing tricks even when they are simple.
the smiles that it bought.
the friends that share those times with me.

i miss em all.
overall i miss s.k.a.t.e