this term often overused.
where do i stand after countless usage of it?
did i really amend my mistakes? did i ever tried to bother change?
truth is i have tried so hard but the results were simply insignificant.
so these wounds should stay unhealed forever?
those burning scars..
will anyone really cure me of this torture i withstand?
mum,
i am sorry for all the mess i've created this past 19 years.
the hell you had to go through just to see me grow up.
to support me and my siblings as a single mother.
i'll apologize on my biological father whom i've lost touch with this couple of years back.
to see those tears, they just saddens me to know i was the cause all along.
always being the one you put your hopes on.
the burden was ever so great. with this load on my shoulder i tried to march forth.
only to know i led a path so twisted that it was hard to ever go back.
so much has been shed this couple of years lately.
to see me as a teenager now and entering adulthood.
i understand your fear in me right now.
being an individual with lost moralities, i fear myself greatly too.
habits that reminds you of my father, ego that tore the family apart.
it has been trademarked in me since i started knowing freedom.
not appreciating what you have done so much.
i was such a selfish son. no, i don't deserve to have a great mum like you.
we lost our connection.
i'm crying right now thinking of this chaos that dawns upon us.
will you ever forgive me mum?
i am holding my breath, gasping as time stands still just to hope that you do.
i am sorry mum.
it is about time i open up to the world.
long gone the days of hiding.
keeping the truth behind my egoistical front.
19 years of twisted hardship.
family roots ever so winding.
an individual led to believe in self independence.
that was what i have become.
never really agreeing with others and stone headed.
this is who i am.
my single mother and siblings were the only family to me.
the dad that never really bothered about the well-being of us even though he has his heart still engraving our names.
where were you when we were in peril?
never really there cause you have your own hell to handle.
i never blamed you for that cause i know how you feel right now.
going towards the same path of mad destruction.
i really hope someone pulls me hard.
poverty was something i lived through and i led myself to believe i am my own father.
the one responsible for the acts of my younger blood ones.
looking at all from a bigger picture.
i have only myself to blame.
i spent so much time outside that i disregard this feeling of home.
can i change this path i'm setting foot on?
to my friends,
thanks for being there when i needed someone to listen to my worries.
thanks for always supporting me through thick and thin.
appreciating me for who i really am and always making a point that i was ok.
i love it when you guys are happy.
just puts a smile on my face.
and never should you worry cause every one of them is as sincere as the last one you've seen.
stay in there guys. cause i need you guys more than ever right now.
in this time of true hardship, i am truly sorry to be pulling you guys down or asking for help. i am really sorry.
